


"I'm Late; I'm Late!"

by GhostxWriter



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack Fic, Lucius's Cane, M/M, Mild Language, OOC-ness, Second hand account, Wedding, cameo Alice in Wonderland rabbit - or at least the dialogue, repost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-02
Updated: 2013-04-02
Packaged: 2017-12-07 07:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/745906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostxWriter/pseuds/GhostxWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	"I'm Late; I'm Late!"

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Just a little fic that bit me - it's _just_ a little cracked ... okay, maybe a lot cracked. 
> 
> Beta'd by the ever fabulous Twisted Mind, who cleans up all my spills and makes my work fit for the human amusement.
> 
> Cover-my-ass-statement: So not mine, I just borrow the characters and put them back where I found them (sometimes a bit banged up, but you know how that goes) the point stands; they don't belong to me!

# "I'm Late, I'm Late!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone knows that a lady always keeps her composure, in all situations.

 

Unfortunately, that all inclusive _**everyone**_ , must not have taken into account situations like today.

 

Minerva McGonagall was first and foremost, a lady. Even students who hated her admitted to that. Which is why it was so surprising for her to be seen racing – yes, actually _racing_ \- through the corridors of Hogwarts, her tartan robes askew and her hair extremely mussed – did I mention that her traditional hat was nowhere to be seen? I didn’t? Oh, well, do pay attention, because it was suspiciously absent.

 

Students who had been whining about the unfairness of the fact that they weren’t allowed to attend the day’s festivities were silenced as they watched the normally unflappable Head of Gryffindor House dashing through the corridors as if a banshee was on her trail. 

 

What’s more, many students claimed she ran by muttering, “I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date! Oh, he’s going to kill me!” I wouldn’t put much stock in rumors usually, but then, well … oh, here, let _him_ explain. For if that was unbelievable, so is his story! In the meantime, I have somewhere to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

… As I’m sure you are aware, a man does not comport himself like a woman, flittering and flapping and making nuisances of themselves …

 

_Whack!_

 

Don’t hit me Helena, I’ve already apologized! Ahem, as I was saying, a man is stoic and firm, he does not at any point let himself be affected – at least outwardly – by anything. On momentous occasions such as this one, it’s especially important.

 

Unfortunately, I was deeply disappointed to find that one of my own – one who I thought followed after my own example, such a bloodthirsty chap – in an absolute state. Lucius Malfoy barreling down the dungeon corridor – very un-masculine, what with the extra swish to his robes and the long hair he was attempting to braid as he went – muttering like a fool of the highest order, “I’m late, I’m late for a very important date! Can’t he see I can’t fucking be bothered!? … ” His embroidered silver robes – perfectly appropriate for such an occasion and for the part he is supposed to play in the upcoming drama – were askew and his face – how can a man look frightened and bored, agonized and arrogant, all at once?! It’s simply _not_ done.

 

Did I mention before he rounded the corner that he paused for a moment and drooped against the wall, like some sort of wilting wallflower and moaned, “He’s going to murder me, and more to the point _he’ll_ let him! I’m so late …” before jumping up and running away?

 

Really, it is behavior most unbecoming to a man and a Slytherin at that. Oh, don’t bother, I’m not going to repeat that story for you or anyone else – make someone else talk. _I_ refuse to be late.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good day, now that the good (but rather useless) knight and the (rather impossible and foolish) Baron are done monopolizing your time, allow me to explain.

 

Of course I can’t let the men do it – Sir Nicholas and the Friar are already too deep in their cups for you to get a coherent statement from them. And the Baron? Ha! The bloody – pun unintentional, pardon– fool’s been hoarding his words for all these years and now that he’s used them all up he won’t speak again for at least another thousand years. 

 

Anyway, as you might have surmised, I am Helena Ravenclaw, daughter of Rowena, the other two you spoke to were Sir Nicholas and the Bloody Baron. The Friar was busy getting the groom ready and so couldn’t – 

 

Excuse me, what groom? Oh, I see, the others were too stupid to tell you what was going on? Please allow me to enlighten you.

 

We, the ghosts of Hogwarts, are gathered together to witness the first wedding inside of Hogwarts halls for eight decades. We are here, along with about hundred living guests, to see the joining of two Houses so long at war.

 

No, don’t go there; you think you already know who is getting married? Well, you’ve guessed wrong – well, rather, half-wrong.

 

For your information, the war is long over – seven years it’s been since the end of that entire ruckus. This ceremony is going to be the first time that all of the children who fought in the final battle will finally be together at the site where it all began. They’ve come back in twos or threes, but this is the first time that all of them are back together.

 

So here, I’ll spell the wedding out for you.

 

Hermione Zabini nee Granger is standing by her husband at the front of the hall as the required witnesses. The Minister of Magic, Harry Potter himself is conducting the ceremony – very properly too. But what do you expect? - he is marrying two of the oldest Pureblooded families together, of course he had to do things properly. Oh, hush now, here come the vows.

 

“What pledge do you make to this man?”

 

“I, Draco Lucius Abraxas Malfoy, do so pledge, my heart, my body, my soul. I pledge my faith, my trust and my loyalty. Through this life and beyond, I am yours and none shall come between us.”

 

“What pledge do you offer this man?”

 

“I, Neville Malachi Damon Logbottom, do so pledge, my heart, my body, my soul. I pledge my faith, my trust and my loyalty. Through this life and beyond, I am yours and none shall come between us.”

 

I can guarantee you didn’t see that coming. How those men could not have mentioned this is beyond me …

 

Pardon? You say they merely spoke about the odd sights they saw on their way here?

 

What fools … though I will admit that the sight of Lucius Malfoy and Minerva McGonagall running into each other outside the doors to the ceremonial hall was somewhat entertaining, both of them looking foolish sprawled in a heap as such. You know, I don’t think either of them has realized that they inadvertently switched canes when they picked themselves up afterwards. 

 

Perhaps it’s symbolic, a Slytherin holding a cane with a gold lion’s head on it while the Gryffindor holds one with a serpent’s head …

 

Ah, well, I won’t spoil it for them. We’ll just enjoy the wedding and hopefully nothing else will go wrong … I hope.

 

_Finite_


End file.
